Atrocity Exhibition

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I picked on the whims of a thousand or more, still persuing the path
that's been buried for years. All the dead wood from jungles and cities on fire can't replace or relate, can't release or repair.

Take my hand and I'll show you what was and will be.

Told my mom today that I’m seriously considering job hunting in London after I graduate this April.. and she cried for like a fucking hour.

We just don’t have the big insurance companies around here that I’m going to need to get a job at. Even if I did get a job here.. it’s almost a dead end I feel like.

Up until this point, I was extremely conflicted. The closest big city is Toronto.. but there’s no fucking way I’m living in Toronto.. ever. And I don’t think I could work there and commute either. So.. I had no idea what I was going to do.

The past few days I was actually in London and seeing how there are country properties, and there are farms literally just like 15 mins away from the downtown.. It just made me excited that I could actually possibly have a successful career.. and live in the environment that I know I thrive in and that I want to have a family in.

I was so excited with this discovery.. I obviously shared with my family as soon as I got home. I wasn’t expecting the sobbing, but I get it.

My mom doesn’t want me to start a family two hours away from her.. yet at the same time she knows that’s where I need to be for my career.

At one point, she asked me if I thought my sister would like to live in London.. my sister, oppositely of me, is determined to settle down in a much bigger city than we grew up in. I couldn’t believe that my mother was seriously already thinking of relocating our family to London.. all because of this little thought I brought up.

I don;t know if I could handle my parents leaving their current house and moving. They put so much into making this their dream house and they have so many plans for it for the future.. Our property is beautiful. We have 15+ acres of half grass half forest with a creek in the back.. I know they adore it here so I think it would break my heart to see them leave, even if it was to be closer to me.

I guess I just didn’t realize how much family meant to my mother. She was never the most expressive when it came to emotions, we were never a overly loving family. I probably hug my parents once every couple of months…

But now all she can talk about is “how am I supposed to be around my grandkids and watch them grow up every day if they’re in London and I’m here” Like holy, way to look way too far ahead in the future :P